Don't Make Resolutions, Make Promises!

Like my friend, Jeanie Shufelt, I’ve just about given up on making New Year’s Resolutions. As she says “that usually doesn’t work for me.” Not reaching our goals is a problem for most people. Year after year, I promise myself to lose 20 pounds, and many years I have lost that and more. However, my resolve weakens and I return to my old habits only to gain it back. In the 1960s my friends teased me as every New Year's Eve I told them I wasn’t going to smoke anymore. Finally, one January I made that promise and was able to keep it. As we age, many of us have the same New Year’s Resolution – Get Fit! If you read my blog post “My Love/Hate Relationship with Hershey”, then you know I will never give up on this one. So, should we just forget about it or is there some way to improve our ability to reach our goals. Seems reasonable that we should be smart enough to get better and better every year, and accomplish more every day than the day before.

Roy Baumeister and John Tierney, the authors of Willpower: Rediscovering the Greatest Human Strength have studied this topic extensively. I had no idea how much research has been done over the years on willpower and goalsetting. The studies show that a few people are simply better at avoiding temptations than the rest of us. How do they do it?

• They arrange their lives in order to accomplish more.
• They use their self- control not to get through crises but to avoid them.
• They arrange their day so they have time to accomplish their goals.
• They take the car to the shop before it breaks down.
• They stay away from all you can eat buffets.
• They pay cash instead of using a credit card
• They wait a few days to reconsider making large purchases
• They play offense instead of defense.

I recently read that only 12 percent of people who make New Year's Resolutions actually keep their resolutions, and only half of that 12 percent expected to be successful in reaching those goals. There are so few of us who seem capable of living the kind of life we wish we could live. I think this means we don't have faith in ourselves.

Americans admitted in another survey that they waste 2 hours at work every day. These individuals have someone they report to who should be aware they are wasting time. So, how is there to be any hope for the self-employed, independent contractors, and small business owners. Somehow most of us have begun to think it is ok to procrastinate. I have actually said these words out loud with other people listening – “I work much better under pressure so what’s wrong with procrastinating”. If you know me, you know what stress looks like. Years of trying to learn time management techniques and taking anxiety medications have taught me that procrastination is an evil word.

Here is what I think would help us reach our goals:

1. Call it a “promise” not a “resolution”. (Great tip from Joe Stumpf)
2. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. If I didn’t have Erich Hershey, my trainer, I would weigh 200 lbs. still. But you don't have to hire someone -- ask a friend who wants the same.
3. Don’t “stop” doing anything. “Start” doing something. That doesn’t mean eat more when you quit smoking or shop more when you go on a diet.
4. Make your promises small and specific. I don't spend enough time with my friends because I work too much – I promise to have coffee at Starbucks at least once a week with a friend.
5. Make your promises easier to accomplish. I’m going to arrange my schedule to exercise at 8 am Monday, Wednesday, and Friday – not I’m going to exercise 3 days every week.
6. Your willpower weakens when you do. If you don’t sleep well at night, you are not going to be able to complete that 5K the next day.
7. One thing has something to do with everything else. If I work late, I will not go home and prepare a healthy dinner. If I don’t eat breakfast, I will not be eating a healthy lunch.
8. Don’t lie to yourself. We all have 24 hours every day. Single parents cringe when the rest of us say we don't have time to do something.
9. If you look at it, it's yours. You know what this means. Don’t have chocolate candy in your pantry because every time you open the door to get your tuna, you see chocolate candy. Go to restaurants that have good choices. It also means, to reach your goals, you should have a picture of them in front of you.
10. Cleanliness really is next to Godliness. If your house, your desk, your car, your closet, and your purse is clean and organized you might actually have more time to accomplish your goals.
11. Write it down. The vision of your life cannot be just in your head. If it isn’t written down, it is a dream, not a promise.
12. Never give up. Every day is a new one. Just like on January 1 of every year, we can have a new beginning every day.

Hope this makes you think about how to get more out of life. My promise for 2012 is not to try to be perfect, but instead try to be a little better each day. And, it wouldn’t be a bad idea if we all promised to not be so tough on ourselves and just tried to enjoy life. Never forget to be thankful for what you have and who you have become.

Happy New Year!