You Can Do Anything...as long as you know what you want to do

Our ninth grade English teacher gave the assignment that really made me first think about a career. Yes, I know there are people who start thinking about who they want to be when they are 4 or 5 but that wasn’t me. Leonard, a boy I grew up with knew he wanted to be a doctor when we were in the first grade, and I have heard he is a very well thought of gynecologist. In the 1950's little girls were not encouraged to think about those things. My father didn’t want my mother to work even though she was the one who had an education, and I suppose she was too disappointed about her lack of an “outside of the home” life to encourage me to think about it. So, in the ninth grade we were given the assignment to write a paper about our chosen career. I could not think of anything except what every girl wrote about-- teacher, nurse, or secretary. Many have forgotten the word secretary which means “keeper of secrets” because they are now called administrative assistants or executive assistants.

Because of my choice for that one paper my high school path was chosen. My high school had an excellent vocational program and I really excelled. I could type over 100 words per minute and take shorthand notes even faster. Many of my friends thought I had it made because I wasn’t forced to take chemistry, physics, advanced math, calculus or even honors English. They took those classes because they planned on going to college to be a teacher or a nurse for the most part.

Why did it never occur to me that I could do something else, something more, something I might be better at, and just something I would enjoy. I was lucky enough to have an aunt, Zona, who was one of the first women to become an executive of a major corporation. And, believe me, she really tried to give me the courage and self esteem to do better. But I just couldn’t believe I was capable of anything that would require a college degree. I did apply to take the college entrance exams in the eleventh grade just because all my friends were and I was a little embarrassed not to apply. Even though I had no plans to go to college, I didn’t want them to know. When they got their postcards in the mail to let them know the location and time of the entrance exams, I didn’t receive one. Our guidance counselor called me into her office to explain why she had not sent my request in. It seemed very difficult for her to say the words but she did – “Marty, you just aren’t college material and your family cannot afford it. You have wonderful secretarial skills and I’m sure you can get a really good job with the training we have provided you.”

I wasn’t at all devastated if that’s what you are thinking because I knew she was right. However, my mother didn’t have the same attitude. I saw an anger and determination in her that I never knew. She was a tiger determined to make me see that I could go to college if I really wanted to. She didn’t understand why I didn’t want more for myself. Looking back on that time, I imagine she was feeling like many women in the 60's about their inability to control their own destiny. She finally had had enough and was determined that I would go to college if I wanted to. So, I went for her. And it wasn’t easy because I had to work to pay my tuition and had to live at home. My dad dropped me off at work or school on his way to work and picked me up in the afternoon. I married before I finished and we lived in student housing so that made everything much easier – not financially, but I could work longer hours and take classes in the evening if I needed to.

I’m writing this to remind mothers (and those of you who will become mothers) that one of our most important roles is to make sure our children believe in themselves. They have to be told that they can do anything. Don’t just assume that they know that. I’ve actually heard talk from some narrow minded people that our teachers spend too much time on developing self esteem. They are so wrong. Without healthy self esteem you can’t accomplish anything. Just think what our children could accomplish in life if we just let them know how smart and wonderful they really are.

And, this is a reminder for me as a mother. Liz and Sarah, don’t ever forget that you are wonderful human beings who can accomplish beyond your wildest dreams. Just in case I didn’t tell you enough as you were growing up, please know now that YOU choose what you want in life, you work hard, remind yourself you can do it and deserve it, and you WILL have it.

Since my daughters are so very artistic I thought this quote by Vincent Van Gogh appropriate. “If you hear a voice within you say 'you cannot paint,' then by all means paint, and that voice will be silenced”.